You Don't Have to Carry This Alone: Why Connection Is Medicine

By Kellye Howard-Jue | MS-ing Around

Connection Matters

There's a specific kind of loneliness that comes with chronic illness. It's not just being alone—it's being surrounded by people who love you and still feeling like you're on an island by yourself.

Living with an autoimmune dis-ease often leads to quiet disconnection. It happens slowly, so gradually you barely notice until one day you realize you've pulled back from almost everything. From activities you once loved. From the people you loved doing them with. The invitations you used to say yes to now fill you with dread—not because you don't want to go, but because you can't predict if your body will cooperate that day.

So you start saying no. Maybe you make excuses at first. "I'm swamped with work." "I have other plans." Eventually, you stop making excuses and just decline. The invitations slow down. People stop asking. And before you know it, the isolation you were trying to avoid by protecting everyone from your unpredictability has become your reality.

Feeling isolated or misunderstood is common when you're managing an invisible illness. You look fine, so people assume you are fine. They don't see the internal war your body wages against itself every single day. They don't understand why you can do something one week but not the next. Why you have to cancel at the last minute. Why you need to leave early. Why you're always tired even though "you just rested all weekend."

And many of us? We hesitate to explain. We don't want to "burden" others with what we're carrying. We convince ourselves that our struggles are too heavy, too complicated, too much for people who don't live in our bodies to understand. So we smile. We say we're fine. We carry it alone because it feels easier than trying to translate our experience into words that might not land anyway.

But Here's the Truth

People want to be there for you.

I know you might not believe that right now. Especially if you've had experiences where you tried to share and were met with toxic positivity ("Just stay positive!"), unsolicited advice ("Have you tried yoga?"), or worse—dismissal ("Everyone gets tired sometimes").

But those responses? They usually come from people who genuinely care but don't know what to say. They're uncomfortable with your pain because they can't fix it, so they try to fix it anyway with platitudes and suggestions. It's clumsy, but it's not malicious. And it's definitely not a reflection of whether you deserve support.

The right people—your people—they want to show up for you. They want to understand. They want to help carry what you're holding, even if they can't take it away completely. But they can't do any of that if you don't let them in.

And here's something that might surprise you: letting people in isn't just good for your soul. It's good for your body too.

The Science of Connection

We talk a lot about what harms our bodies when we have autoimmune conditions. Stress. Poor sleep. Inflammatory foods. Environmental triggers. But we don't talk enough about what helps. And one of the most powerful healing tools we have access to—one that requires no prescription, no insurance approval, no out-of-pocket costs—is meaningful human connection.

Science shows that meaningful connection supports immune health and helps reduce inflammation and stress—both key factors in chronic illness. Multiple studies have demonstrated that people with strong social support have:

• Lower levels of inflammatory markers (including C-reactive protein and IL-6)

• Better stress hormone regulation (lower cortisol)

• Improved immune function

• Reduced pain perception

• Better disease management and outcomes

• Lower rates of depression and anxiety

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Your body literally responds differently when you feel supported versus when you feel alone. When you share what you're going through with someone who listens without judgment, your nervous system calms. Your cortisol drops. Your inflammation decreases.

Connection isn't a luxury. It's part of wellness.

And yet, we treat it like it's optional. Like it's something we'll get to once we feel better, once we have more energy, once we're less of a "burden." But that's backwards. Connection is part of what helps us feel better. It's medicine we're refusing to take because we think we don't deserve the prescription.

You Don't Have to Carry This Alone

Let that sink in for a second. You don't have to carry this alone.

Not the fear that comes with each new symptom. Not the grief of losing the life you planned. Not the exhaustion of explaining yourself over and over. Not the anxiety of not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Not the anger at your body for betraying you. Not the sadness that sometimes feels so heavy you can barely breathe.

You don't have to carry any of it alone.

When you share your story, you invite understanding, support, and healing. Not just for yourself, but often for the person listening too. Because vulnerability is contagious in the best way. When you're brave enough to say, "This is hard and I'm struggling," you give others permission to do the same. You create space for honest connection instead of performative fine-ness.

And sometimes? The person you think can't possibly understand—because they're healthy, because their life looks easy, because they've never been sick a day in their life—they surprise you. Maybe they haven't experienced chronic illness, but they've experienced loss, or fear, or the feeling of their body not doing what they need it to do. Pain is universal even if the specifics are different. And most people, given the chance, will meet you in that shared human space of "life is hard and we're all just doing our best."

Finding Your Safe Space Person

Not everyone can hold space for your truth. Some people will try to fix you. Some will minimize what you're going through. Some will make it about themselves. That's okay. You don't need everyone to understand. You just need one or two people who can sit with you in the hard stuff without trying to silver-lining it away.

Wellness Tip: Identify one "safe space" person in your life—someone who listens without trying to fix anything. Practice sharing one truth or struggle with them this month. Notice how it feels. Journal about it.

A "safe space" person is someone who:

• Doesn't immediately jump to solutions unless you ask for them

• Can sit with your pain without needing to make it better

• Doesn't compare your experience to theirs or someone else's

• Believes you when you describe what you're feeling

• Doesn't judge you for having hard days

• Checks in without making you feel like a burden

  
  

This might be a friend, a family member, a therapist, a support group member, someone from an online chronic illness community, or even someone you haven't connected with in a while but who you've always felt safe around.

Once you identify that person, start small. You don't have to dump everything on them all at once. Share one thing. Maybe it's "I've been really struggling with fatigue this week and it's getting to me." Maybe it's "I'm scared about my next appointment." Maybe it's "I canceled plans again and I feel guilty about it."

Whatever it is, say it out loud to someone who can hear it. And then notice what happens in your body. Does your chest feel lighter? Do your shoulders drop? Does something unclench that you didn't even realize was tight?

Then, after the conversation, journal about it. What did it feel like to share? How did they respond? What surprised you? What was harder than you expected? What was easier?

This practice isn't about oversharing or becoming dependent on others for emotional regulation. It's about breaking the pattern of isolation. It's about remembering that you're still connected to the world even when your body tries to convince you otherwise.

Connection Doesn't Always Look the Same

Here's something else important: connection doesn't have to mean deep, heavy conversations every time. Sometimes connection is:

• A friend who sends you a funny meme because they know you're having a rough day

• Someone who brings you soup without making a big deal about it

• A text that just says "thinking of you, no need to respond"

• Sitting quietly with someone while you both do your own thing

• A phone call where you talk about absolutely nothing related to illness

• An online community where people just get it without explanation

Connection is any moment where you feel less alone. Where you're reminded that you matter beyond your diagnosis. Where someone sees you—not your disease, not your limitations, but you.

An Invitation to Reach Out

If you're reading this and you've been carrying everything alone, this is your sign to reach out. Not to everyone. Just to one person. Your safe space person. The one who's been asking how you are and you keep saying "fine" even though you're not.

Tell them one true thing. "Actually, I'm not fine. Can I tell you about it?"

See what happens. I think you might be surprised by how much people want to show up for you when you give them the chance.

And if you don't have that person yet? Start looking. Join an online support group. Come to an MS-ing Around event. Try therapy. Post in a chronic illness forum. Your people are out there. Sometimes you just have to be brave enough to say, "I need connection" and then let it find you.

Because here's what I know for sure after over a decade of living with MS: the people who love you want to walk beside you, not watch you struggle from a distance.

But they can only walk beside you if you stop trying to protect them from your reality.

You're not a burden. You're a person experiencing something difficult who deserves support. There's a difference.

Stop carrying it alone, friend. Your body—and your heart—will thank you.

At MS-ing Around, we believe connection is not just emotional support—it's a crucial part of managing chronic illness. You deserve people who see you, hear you, and walk beside you.

Who is your safe space person? If you don't have one yet, what's one step you could take this month to find connection? Share below or join our community.

💛 MS-ing Around is a Chicago-based 501(c)(3) empowering women and adolescent girls living with autoimmune diagnoses. Learn more at msingaround.orglives. If you or someone you know is struggling, remember that you are not alone. Reach out, seek support, and take the first step toward empowerment today.